By THCB STAFF
After a few weeks analyzing government spending and putting all of his calculations into Grok, the head of DOGE, Elon Musk, has made another decisive move in the attempt to save the government money. Speaking on the Joe Rogan show, Musk declared that his team had given Big Balls and Little Balls instructions to stop screwing around with the minor stuff like cutting off foreign aid saving the lives of children or getting all worked up about storing paper records in a mine, and to “go after the real money”. It turns out that means putting all US health care into a national health service and eliminating all private, non state-run health care.
He told Rogan, in between injections of what he claimed were vitamin supplements, that “the DOGE team realized that the British government spends about $7,500 per capita on health care, and the US government spends about $8,000”. After observers noticed a few puffs of smoke coming from Musk’s side of the room he went on to say, “that means our government can use the example of the Brits and cut spending by $500 a head and as an added bonus, private employers can stop wasting money on health care premiums”. When asked by Rogan if this new move was influenced by his desire to cut costs at his companies, Musk appeared to be unaware that he ran any companies.
Musk went on to say, “it’s incredible that we’ve been giving all these hospitals and health insurers government money and they’ve been sticking it in their hedge funds. Little Balls told me that he read a post from some blogger claiming that there’s over $500 billion sitting on the balance sheets of big hospitals and non-profit health plans. Now we have nationalized them all, that money can be put to better use.”
Rogan asked him how this would work and Musk said that all doctors, nurses and hospitals now worked for the Federal government and could just deliver care for free. “They’ll be paid British wages, and they’ll be happy–British people are still rich enough to be buying Teslas, no one else is! And if the line is too long, then people can fly to Scotland where they’ve got this socialized health care thing down pat. I understand President Trump has a special going at his hotel on that golf course, if you don’t mind looking at the windmills.”
When asked whether he supported Musk’s move, President Trump told the White House press corps that he wasn’t on the group call but that Don Jr had mentioned that Adderall was free in the UK, so it seemed like a good idea to both of them.
In unrelated news, Tesla also announced a stock buy-back in the amount of $500 billion.
Leave a comment
